Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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