Me too!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
