when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
