The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So vagazzling was a success
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
