I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
