fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
