she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
