he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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