I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your penis caused this!
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