I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
