I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
