Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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