I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize