She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
