That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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