The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
