hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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