Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
