She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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