god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
