First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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