We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
