My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize