he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
