I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
