Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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