Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
