Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
