OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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