I wish I could punch you in the face.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
