I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
