Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
