Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
