I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
