nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
