dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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