I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
