i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
