My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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