Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
