im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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