he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
