PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
