dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
