Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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