Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
