ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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