I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
