I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
