Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
