ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My vagina just recognized that song.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
