I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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