Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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