i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
