Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
