If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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