I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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