just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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