Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
