Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
3 2 1 whiskey
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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