He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
