Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
