And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
