I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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