He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize