i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
