do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
