Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize