escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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