New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
