the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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