i just wanna soil my oats bro
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
