it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
