so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
