I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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