Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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