can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
