And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
