Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
