I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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