I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
