Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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