a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
