I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
