I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
