Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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