Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
