The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
